COYR Laughter Lounge
#46
A man takes his seat at the World Cup Final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy.

The man: “Who would ever miss the World Cup final?”

The guy: “That was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.”

The man: “That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another member of the family, friend, or someone else to come with you?”

The guy: “No…they are all at the funeral!”
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#47
(05-08-2018, 09:03 AM)Joe Baker Legend Wrote: A man takes his seat at the World Cup Final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy.

The man: “Who would ever miss the World Cup final?”

The guy: “That was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.”

The man: “That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another member of the family, friend, or someone else to come with you?”

The guy: “No…they are all at the funeral!”

Big Grin Big Grin
Πιστέψτε το, θα τα καταφέρω.
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#48
Scotland fans quickly rush to book their flights & hotels for when the next World Cup begins.

Apparently The Algarve is lovely at that time of the year.
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#49
a bloke said he was going to wrap the neck of his guitar around my head..............

I said, "is that a fret"?
''My Desire is always to be here, oh City Ground''.
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#50
Teacher: what does your dad do at weekends ?

Little Johnny: He works as a dancer in a gay bar and sometimes if the money is right he lets punters bang his arse and cum in his mouth ,...

Teacher takes him outside, Is that true ?

Little Johnny: No miss ,he goes to watch Derby County but im to embarrassed to say....
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#51
A girl sneezed in the pub and her glass eye fell out and landed in my hand.

I took it back to her and we got chatting.

After a few beers I took her home and shagged her.

Wondering If she was a bit of a slapper I asked her, ''Do you shag everyone on the first date?''

She said ''no, only those that catch my eye''.
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#52
My mate went to the doctors with a strawberry up his arse.

The doctors said I've got some cream for that.
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#53
Boy tells his parents he just had sex for the first time...

His dad's pleased - "I'll buy you a bike to celebrate, but you will have to wait until next pay day" he says.

Boy replies, "That's alright Dad, my arse is too sore to ride it right now anyway!"
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#54
Someone just smashed my car window in Derby.

I had two Derby season tickets on the front seat.

Now there are four.

B******s.
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#55
My mate set me up on a blind date.

He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know... She's expecting a baby."

I felt a right f*****g idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy.
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#56
I just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook.

I said "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive."

Next thing I know, 4000 Muslims have added me as a friend.
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#57
Asked a trainer in the gym, what kind of machine I should use to make myself more attractive to women?

He said, try a cash machine pal.
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#58
Englishman: "That your dog?"
Welshman: "Yep."
Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him?"
Welshman: "Dog dont talk But."
Englishman: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin' all right."
Welshman: (Look of shock!)
Englishman: "Is this Welshman your owner?" (Pointing at the Welshman)
Dog: "Yep."
Englishman: "How's he treating you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Welshman: (Look of total disbelief)
Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Welshman: "Horse dont talk but."
Englishman: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
Welshman: (Extreme look of shock!)
Englishman: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the welshman)
Horse: "Yep."
Englishman: "How's he treating you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather."
Welshman: (Look of total amazement)
Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Welshman: "That sheeps a f*****g liar pal.''
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#59
(08-10-2018, 07:50 AM)Duncan Mckenzie Wrote: Englishman: "That your dog?"
Welshman: "Yep."
Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him?"
Welshman: "Dog dont talk But."
Englishman: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin' all right."
Welshman: (Look of shock!)
Englishman: "Is this Welshman your owner?" (Pointing at the Welshman)
Dog: "Yep."
Englishman: "How's he treating you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Welshman: (Look of total disbelief)
Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Welshman: "Horse dont talk but."
Englishman: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
Welshman: (Extreme look of shock!)
Englishman: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the welshman)
Horse: "Yep."
Englishman: "How's he treating you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather."
Welshman: (Look of total amazement)
Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Welshman: "That sheeps a f*****g liar pal.''

We could change the Welshman for a Derby fan  Big Grin
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#60
My wife accused me of loving football more than her , I said to her " how can you think that, when we have been happily married for 30 seasons. "
Πιστέψτε το, θα τα καταφέρω.
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